I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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