me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
