Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
