New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
