We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
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At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
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He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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