Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
