I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
