dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
