great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
