Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
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if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
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My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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