I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
