i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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