You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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