So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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