The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
