I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
