I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
