Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
