btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
