I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
