One girl and one boy is just not enough.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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