Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
