I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
