Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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