I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
