i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
