I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
