apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you would pick up someone in the library
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
