A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
