Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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