This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
