I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
