my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I deserve this hangover.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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