my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize