this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
