Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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