i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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