I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
