whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
