How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
