we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
