I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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