Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
