Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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