He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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