dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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