where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
