Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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