You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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