also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
