I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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