Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
