Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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