fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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