We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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