I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize