dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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