Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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