I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
