I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
This is the prime rib incident all over again
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
