I am in a vortex of obligation.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
