I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
