dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
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U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
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I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize