Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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