Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
