He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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