Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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