HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
