No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
