How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
