I just threw up on my dentist
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
