were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
