is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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