I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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