You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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