Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
