I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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