chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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