There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
