When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
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Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
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I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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