I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
