I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
