I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
