I seem to have left my pride at pride
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
