This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
